dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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