she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
