Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i came on her dog
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
