But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
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My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
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Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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