The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
