I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
