i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
