I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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