toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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