There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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