Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
