Your face is a jimmy john
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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