wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
