my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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