I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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