I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
