Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
