Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
