He had one of those small greek statue penises
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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