he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
