Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
