My room smells like vodka and shame
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
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I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
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When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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