I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
