Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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