I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm like, not good at living.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
