i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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