I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
