I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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