God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
