I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My ATM looks so different sober.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
