you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
