I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
