Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
