I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
