I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.