I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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