Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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