East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
