My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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