Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
