I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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