Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
