That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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