It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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