dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Everything about him screamed your future.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
