Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
