Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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