Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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