my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
