Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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