we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
