Why are handjobs necessary in class?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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