mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
