just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
not ubering you a puppy
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
