Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final

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  (610): You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final http://tfl.nu/7b8j
  Replies (18) Good night (10017) Bad night (869)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.

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  (610): It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays. http://tfl.nu/4je9
  Replies (9) Good night (3035) Bad night (811)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  You and your mom would make an amazing tag team

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  (614): My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex (1-614): You and your mom would make an amazing tag team http://tfl.nu/l8wh
  Replies (23) Good night (8057) Bad night (1291)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.

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  (406): he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me. http://tfl.nu/3m0w
  Replies (20) Good night (1485) Bad night (6708)
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  (716): View more from New York

  he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates

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  (716): he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates http://tfl.nu/tadv
  Replies (3) Good night (1074) Bad night (2422)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.

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  (502): Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore. http://tfl.nu/k6j5
  Replies (3) Good night (1988) Bad night (877)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs

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  (307): i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs http://tfl.nu/99qm
  Replies (9) Good night (3337) Bad night (859)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah

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  (660): I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah http://tfl.nu/jyz7
  Replies (9) Good night (2189) Bad night (785)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.

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  (403): I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress. http://tfl.nu/setw
  Replies (2) Good night (1398) Bad night (592)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.

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  (253): Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers. http://tfl.nu/t7fg
  Replies (6) Good night (506) Bad night (1108)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I thought you wanted to talk?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?

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  (609): I thought you wanted to talk? (908): What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk? http://tfl.nu/h1nx
  Replies (3) Good night (1201) Bad night (286)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.

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  (512): Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed. http://tfl.nu/bj7a
  Replies (12) Good night (340) Bad night (884)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.

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  (239): Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse. http://tfl.nu/h54v
  Replies (1) Good night (203) Bad night (665)
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  (639): View more from

  you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka

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  (639): you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka http://tfl.nu/zfyr
  Replies (1) Good night (525) Bad night (198)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.

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  (985): Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it. http://tfl.nu/i5dn
  Replies (1) Good night (241) Bad night (442)

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