just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
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drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
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That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
not ubering you a puppy
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.