Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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