Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to