everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
