these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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