She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
