I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
