That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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