1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
