I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
