He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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