im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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