tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
