I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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