I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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