Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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