Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize