where am i from again
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
