If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
