i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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