this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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