I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
